I Ain’t Sayin’ She’s a Gold Digger
Posted by michelle in Minimalism | 33 comments
For the past few months, my husband and I have been working on lightening our load in our home by decluttering, aka throwing away junk that no one uses or even cares about. There were a few points of contention you may remember, but that minor setback thankfully did little to deflate our esteem. Just last night, I was going through our Great Works Of Art bin and tossing artwork, drawings, and writing of my boys’ past. Some things were just too cute to toss, though. In Kindergarten, my middle child wrote a daily journal with topics chosen by his teacher. There was so much adorableness contained between the handmade covers of that book that I could barely contain myself. One particular day’s writing, however, made me question how my child sees his loving mother when the topic was money. “I have $115!” he writes. He goes on to describe his feelings about money; “I like having money.” There’s nothing wrong with that. I think, deep down, everyone likes having money. That part didn’t bother me in the least. The part that pulled at me was when he went on to talk about me; “My mom loves money!”
What did this mean? Does my child think I have an unnatural love for the green stuff, or was he just thinking about me in an innocent way and wanted to incorporate his sweet, loving mum-mum into his entry? I mean, of course I love money! Doesn’t everyone? I just don’t know why he thought to write that since I don’t spend a lot of money. Why not “My dad loves money!” or “Everybody loves money!” Jeff is the one who actually makes decent money after all.
The sad thing is that he’s right. I not only love money, but I often worry that we will never have enough. I recently read (sorry for not giving credit, but I honestly can’t remember where) that Americans feel that making $150,000/yr made you rich. Upon reading this, I felt a twinge of snobbery flood my veins. Sure, that’s quite a bit more than we make, but it’s not completely unattainable with some time and hard work. I started to shake away this silly feeling. I wondered if this meant per person, and not per household since even at that larger amount, I don’t think I would feel rich. I definitely couldn’t travel as much as I wanted, buy a yacht, nicer cars, the luxuries for my children including all the sports and ballet lessons my kids would eventually want to try. In fact, even at $200,000, would we even be able to afford private schools, a weekly maid, tanning and nails, to eat out whenever we had a whim? Not that I want these lavish luxuries, but isn’t that what rich people do? Don’t they get to have fun with all that money? Personally, I don’t care about most of those things, but I do hope to be able to one day save up a decent amount for my children’s education and wedding funds, but unfortunately the prices of both seem to be sky-rocketing at a much faster rate than the economy. Could even $200,000/yr be enough to fund those coming-of-age adventures for three children with enough to spare for their first cars, their activities and interests?
Yes and no. Yes, if I’m smart with my money and careful not to let our spending continue to rise with our income; No, if I decide that I deserve to live like a Real Housewife. This isn’t so difficult. If you look at people who actually have money and substantial retirement and savings for their children, they tend to be pretty frugal people. You’d have to be! If you plan to retire at the age of 66, but want to live until you’re 86, you better get to work. I, for one, don’t want to ever become a burden to my children. I never want them to worry about what to do with mom who spent all her money years ago. Because of this, I know that I will probably never own a yacht. I will probably never own a car that costs more than $25,000. I will probably never own a bigger house than the one we have now. And you know what? I’m okay with that and already feel like the richest girl in the world.
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This post originally appeared in April 2012.
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Being content is one of the hardest things to discover. The problem too is that your contentment is always changing. My wife and I can not “want” anything for a very long time, then all of a sudden we want a new camera because ours isn’t good enough.
It’s tough…
It’s also great to not want to be a burden on your children! When you and Jefferson get a little older you will want to look at Long Term Care Insurance!
Long Term Care Insurance…got it! Thanks for the tip. Now, when should we look into this?
Not until you turn 50…55 maybe. 60 is getting too late. You have some time!
Love this post, especially the last sentence. I think rich is a relative term and being rich can be attained in a variety of ways. Rick in love, life experiences, health, and great people around me is what I’m striving for. The money is an added bonus. Seems like we’re on the same page 🙂
Absolutely 🙂 It’s a good page to be on!
My sister and her husband make about $225,000 per year and they fight constantly and seem miserable. Money is not everything and it can’t buy happiness. All children love money. Money = the ability to buy toys and candy. My 8 year old son saved up all his money to buy a Nook. I asked him if he was okay with spending all his money on one item. He said, “Dad, I will get more money for other things in the future”. I like his attitude!
That’s sad that your sister doesn’t have a happy marriage. That’s definitely something money can’t buy! I like your son’s attitude as well. He’s more like my middle child. My oldest is obsessed with money. Unfortunately, he obsessed with spending it…not saving and making it 😉 His birthday is in December and almost weekly he tells us what he wants for this upcoming birthday…and it’s always changing! It’s hilarious really. I feel bad for him and wish he could just live in the present, but no…he’s always dreaming about what he’s going to buy in the future. Poor kid.
I agree with your post and the other comments. Money isn’t everything. I’m happy with my life the way it is.
It’s great that you are happy with your life and not just wishing for more, Michelle!
That’s a funny journal entry by your son. Almost everyone loves money and there’s nothing wrong with that. I was surprised you said you would be saving up for each of your child’s education and wedding. Education is understandable, but I’d think a lot of people cover their own wedding costs these days. As much as you want to provide for your kids, remember to provide for yourself too.
I don’t know what the proper etiquette for who should pay for the wedding will be when my kids are ready to walk down the aisle, but I hope to be able to help that at least. It used to be that you only paid for a daughter’s wedding and I have two sons, but I think a lot of that has changed now. I do see more and more couples paying for their own weddings, true, but who knows what it will be like 20-30 years from now. As far as education and first cars, we will do our best there as well. My oldest is only 5 years away from 16! YIKES! My mom made the down payment for me and cosigned, but made me pay the monthly payments. I’m not sure if I paid the insurance as well or if she helped…but anyway…we can only do our best.
I haven’t told my 7 year old daughter about my blogging, mainly because I don’t want her to tell all her friends, but partly because I’m still not sure the best way to introduce her to money. I don’t want her thinking I’m greedy and obsessed with money, when I feel the opposite.
John, our kids know we have a blog about money. They’re 11 and 8 (our baby doesn’t seem to care.) I’m not sure what they think of it really. They know that we are trying to save money, and my oldest thinks that’s super boring and lame…haha! But I don’t think their day-to-day lives are affected by it as I only write when they’re in school or in bed and I try not to worry them with any financial woes.
I think no matter how much money my wife and I make am always going to be a minimalist. I like to take nice vacations and eat at eat good food at nice restaurants but outside of that I don’t live flashy. I use coupons to grocery shop and I have never purchased anything designer 🙂
You named your blog accurately, Sean! That’s the kind of rich I want to be.
I’m the richest girl in the world, too! But I think the “feel rich” point is a bit like the swim teacher who keeps moving back while saying “just swim to me” — I feel rich because I no longer run out of month before running out of money. That’s good for now.
How funny…Jeff’s mom is a swim instructor!
Running out of month is something we used to do as well. We don’t make a ton more than we used to…we’re just smarter now 🙂
I have to say…$150,00/year does sound pretty rich to me! Not Nantucket Kennedy rich, but given there’s a ton of, dare I say most, households in this country making under $30,000/year…
Even at those salaries you can still save for retirement, though. You may never go on a lavish vacation, but you’ll be able to get by.
Absolutely you can still save for retirement on 30k/yr! Those people might have to be a bit more resourceful and even smarter with their finances, but it is definitely doable.
Thanks for being so honest in this post.
Your son sounds like such a great kid. You must be so proud to be his mom. You’re absolutely right that everybody loves money. However, I don’t think he was suggesting that your love of money was problematic. In fact, my guess is that he was expressing his admiration for how you handle your household budget, and thus suggesting your loving respect for money based on his personal observation.
Michelle, never say never. But I like your philosophical approach to wealth. It’s all in your mind. Happiness doesn’t need much more than thoughts of simplicity and contentment.
I would agree with you that happiness is within ourselves. One can remain happy even when he is spending less. I think there is nothing to worry about your kids. In fact I can say that when parents are working hard and are financially prudent(Like you and Jeff), Kids observe them and emulate them. They acquire the same work ethic and smartness.
My parents worked very hard to meet our needs. It was by seeing there effort I too worked hard on my studies.
I would suggest that as your kids grow up share your thoughts – what you do, how you do it, why you enjoy doing it. Involve them in household decisions(I think you would know better than me)
It’s funny because tomorrow I’m writing about the other side of this issue. I don’t think people ever change unless they’re truly not happy with where they are now. It takes that desperation to follow through with all the sweat equity it’ll take to move the needle on your results.
Haha! I’m a pretty simple guy… aside from a $100,000 personal killer whale submarine and the new Lamborghini SUV, there’s not much that I want… 😉
You know… there’s a sense of security to having a bunch of money (less with “making” a lot of money because you could lose your gig, get disabled or just get a pay cut). But having a bunch of money allows you to have all of your “needs” and some “wants” too. Nothing wrong with that.
My son wrote us a letter (his teacher wrote it when he was 2yo at school). It was a nice note that said: I like gym class. I like circle time. I like to touch the girls’ faces. (yeah, pretty creepy – turns out the teacher didn’t mean it the way it came out but it had me concerned quite a bit…
Love what you said: No, if I decide that I deserve to live like a Real Housewife.
Ha! I thought I was the only one watching these ridiculous shows 🙂
Honestly? I think I’d feel pretty rich if I made $150k per year. But then again, I’d still have a very similar lifestyle. We wouldn’t move. I still wouldn’t see a need for a second car. I guess where I would spend would be on fun, on vacations, on building family memories — and I believe that building those memories are where all the riches in the world are!
I feel ya! I think in this economy, liking money is not so much “gold digging” as it is wanting to feel safe. Having enough for retirement, knowing your kids won’t have to take care of you… these are all very real fears, and if saving money helps to quell them, then I’m on board, too!
Is that title from Kanye West? That’s pretty bad a##!
It’s funny – my kids think the same thing about me. “Dad loves money. He even has a website about it” is what they tell people. Unfortunately, they are not old enough to understand that what I like about money is the “opportunity” it presents.
I think most of us have a fear of not having enough money one day in order to pay the bills. It’s easy though to go too far and have a love of money where everything else in life comes a poor second, third etc place.
I think you discuss about money at home more than his dad, and that’s the reason he wrote about you loving money. Yes we all do. You are not an exception. The fear of not having enough money is actually good, it will stop you from spending money unnecessarily.
My family’s gotten creative with saving money and cutting spending so even though I’m nowhere near the $200k salary, we’re on target for long term savings and retirement. I’m sure you’ll make it work! Best wishes!
Working tech in Silicon Valley, our combined income when Mrs. E was working also was over $200k. But living in Silicon Valley means a $2500 mortgage for 1200 square foot 2 BR 1 BA condo in a not bad area.
Rich depends on many things, but the one benefit of being here is saving 30‰ of $200k makes for a nicer retirement than 30‰ of 50k. Especially when you move somewhere more affordable to retire.