There has been some discussion at the dinner table lately about whether we would consider moving the family to another city. My wife and I were married almost ten years ago and we have three kids. We have lived in the same suburb of the same Midwestern city for the extent of our marriage. Moving the five of us to another city would certainly represent a major change, even if we used one of the best moving companies, but the topic keeps coming up and it warrants further investigation to see if this idea deserves further consideration.
For myself, moving from city to city was just a part of my childhood. It seemed like my dad was always looking for something new and exciting on the job market, and I was able to experience life in four different states
as a result. My family finally settled down when I was in 5th grade, and I have lived in this city ever since. I did move two hours away to go to college, but have planted some roots here in this town that are difficult
to uproot. But my extended family is scattered all over the country, and both of my brothers have lived in other cities for extended periods of time. It is a bit trickier for me, because we have kids, but I do think
that having this background contributes to my openness about the possibility of moving away.
While I am open to the possibility of moving, there are many things that do entice me to stay. Let’s look at the pros and cons.
Arguments for Staying Put
Arguments for Leaving Town
Financial Considerations
There is no nice and neat conclusion to this post, but it feels good to lay it all out in black and white. The way I see it, there is no harm in looking to see what’s out there, even if you aren’t sure if you want to be serious about it. If something falls into my lap that looks absolutely perfect, and is in a location that sounds appealing, I should at least take the time to take a closer look. In the most likely scenario, we will end up staying right where we are. But it is good to remain open to any and all possibilities to improve our life.
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Home is wherever I’m with you.
If only everything that related to our finances was as simple as “Spend less than you earn.”
Life is for living, this isn’t a dress rehearsal, what do you think your death-bed you would say to you about moving?
I’m not really one to talk, as I’ve essentially lived in the same city my whole life, but I have traveled up and down the West Coast, and I haven’t found any where I like better yet. Plus both my family and my wife’s family is around here, so the incentive to move anywhere is quite low. I think it depends on what you’d like to accomplish in life, and how location fits into that. Where were you looking to move to? Know anyone in the area? Any blogger friends, etc.?
The boy & I moved two years ago to a much bigger area of BC (Canada) and it’s been great. It’s been so nice to be able to push ourselves out of our comfort zone and grow with each other. But, we don’t’ have kids or a house, we just rent. As a child, it was a great experience to move – it taught me how to adapt to a new environment. Not all kids will feel the same way though, haha.
the few places that we have talked about potentially relocating are desirable places to live.. nice weather, cheap housing.. we know a few people in these locations, but not many..
many of my decisions in life have been made with security in mind as the most important thing.. this idea is about breaking out of that bubble a bit, and not being afraid to take chances..
daisy stated it well, and i am glad to hear it worked for her in her new location.. it is about pushing us out of our comfort zone and growing with each other.
at this point, i don’t have any solid leads on anything that would get me out of town. but.. i remain open to looking.
Wow, your described situation has much in common with my family. One year into our move and two of us, 8 yo and I have battled situational depression, 11 yo is terribly homesick and husband feels guilty he followed career path when it has hit family so hard. Sounds like our hometown was a better fit for us than yours for you. Step lightly. Two years sounds reasonable (that was our trial period too) until you feel like you’ve not been home for a year.
The Midwest has a reputation for being nice and full of reasonable responsible people. Sounds like your one of them. Might want to consider how done warmer climates are full of natives who are not as quick to form community or invest in good schools, parks, etc.
Again, it may be right for you, but I recommend carefully choosing a new city. Good luck.
Hi Sarah.. Thank you for commenting. I would love to hear more about your experience.. We are still living in the same Midwest city that we were when this post was originally written, and this topic comes of pretty frequently in our house.
The points listed in the article are still valid arguments across the board, and if anything– the allure of trying life somewhere new is even higher. Of course, my kids tell me that they would prefer to stay put, given the choice.
I will say that I do have a deep fear that if we do pull the trigger and move, that the situation could end up much like yours, with everyone homesick. My wife was born and raised in this city, and my kids have never known life anywhere else. Will they be overcome with homesickness if we pack and up move? The truth it is that it is hard to meet people no matter where you live when you have a large family. Participating in sports or clubs, or even going out on the town for a concert or a few drinks– can be almost impossible when you have kids at home. Not to mention that in today’s world of Facebook and Skype, where most folks spend their evenings gathered around a glowing screen, it is just hard to meet people and when you do- to make that jump from acquaintance to true friendships.
Will it be easier to meet people in another town than it is in our current? I have no idea.. I would like to think so, but could it be just hoping for the sake of hoping?
Jefferson,
I would be happy to converse more about this as well. When we made our decision to move, I desperately wanted to gain some insight and found few people who had made a move like ours Midwest to South at that particular time in our lives, baby and two school aged kids. I don’t really care to put my email address on your site, but if there’s some way of getting you more answers to questions that might better help in your decision, please let me know.
Sarah & Jefferson…
I appreciated this blog post. My husband and I moved across the country 9 months ago to follow our dream jobs. We have 3 children as well, ages 8, 5, and 1.
We also craved the idea of fitting in more, and decided to try it out for a few years in a city that had a culture we liked. The only problem with that is, how much time do you actually have for a social life with 3 kids and a dream job?? We actually moved to a city where we briefly lived before and already knew we loved, but it is still hard to have enough patience to plant new roots.
It’s been such a roller coaster ride and we are all extremely homesick (and I pretty much hated where we moved from!).
Even though the kids are active in the school and community, and have made many friends quickly, its almost as if you never feel relaxed. Every little thing you do throughout the day takes more effort. My husband and I talk frequently about moving back home and giving up on the dream because it is very emotionally draining. We still own our house back home, so it would be easy enough to go back — although a lot of packing and such. This is going to sound silly but one of the hardest things for all of us is not living in our house. The market in this new city is full of old, overpriced houses, and we are used to living in the opposite.
Will we stay? I don’t know. I do feel like we gained a lot from the experience … Sometimes I really want to stay in one place forever and other times I just feel like moving around forever. What’s the cure for that?!
We are considering a big move right now, too. Right now we live in the city, about 60 miles from our farm. We both work in the city, but we’ll need to be closer to the farm this summer if we’re really going to commit to this venture. For him it’s just going home, but for me, it’s a big risk that would include me basically uprooting my whole life. I get nervous thinking about what could go wrong, but I need to focus on what can go right.
That said, I moved to a new state just before I entered middle school. It was kind of rough to be the new kid when everyone else grew up together, but not impossible. I was young enough when I left that honestly I’m only in contact with a couple of people from my childhood hometown. The rest are lost to history in my mind. Just don’t wait until he’s going into high school!
Also, the weather in the midwest does suck. I’m still incredulous that I’m signing up for more years of this punishment when I could go back to my warm southern state!
Do we stay or do we go back AGAIN that is certainly a question my husband & I as Senior Citizens (77 & 70). Soon, for the first time in our lives we will be living on a FIXED INCOME with some opportunities for part time work if we so choose BUT do we go to our son’s house in North Carolina mountains – they live downstairs and we live upstairs? Do we go to Florida where we were for 23 years and buy a $50,000 condo – two children still live there and we would only be 1 hour from each of them…should we stay in Missouri where we also have two children but seldom see because of their “busy-ness” – now you thought you had decisions to make and from here looking at you, I would do whatever you can at your age because believe me as you grow older you have less and less opportunity and stamina so GO FOR IT!!!
My husband and I moved from NY to OR when our kids were little for a change. We loved it in Oregon but decided to move to GA where some of my family were. My husband didn’t have a job when we got to GA but found one quickly. We have been in GA for the past 10 years. We have a beautiful house and our kids have been in the same school system since kindergarten. Moving to GA allowed us a better cost of living and easier lifestyle. My oldest is going to start High school next year, my second in 6th and youngest not in school yet. We have decided that we want to move to the southwest for a different lifestyle and chances to explore the west again. We use to live in CA where we met and got married. My husband found that he can work out of the south west office but we will not get a relocation package. I know it is a big change especially for the kids and we took a long time to decide. It is scary but we just listed our house and started the process. Change is scary it is suppose to be. As long as I have my family then home is anywhere. Good luck with whatever you decide.
We moved, finding friends was hard, but we went on eFamilyMatch.com found a lot of family friends. Best site…
Good Luck
My husband is in the family industry so we have had ALOT of moves. We live in Australia now which unfortunately is one of the most beautiful but most remote countries to have been planted in.
I compare it to being a farmer and planting seed during drought. All efforts get blown away and there is no rain to bring about fruits of labour. Now that we have children the decision is even harder. I bounce between our own desires and provided what our children need to fulfil their dreams in life. I do think that the world is getting smaller and kids need to be more adaptable than ever so in some ways perhaps the new experiences can only gift them with an adaptability they learn from our move.
I guess what I’ve noticed in our moves is that no amount of career fulfilment makes up for sincere community and passion for other things in life. With dream jobs being posted so often it is easy to picture it as a simple dreamy option but the reality for families is very different.
Now that we are looking for a more permanent move, and I would suggest this to other families. If you find the dream job. Whoever it is who is starting work first should go ahead of the family to see if the job matches all they thought it would be. This usually works best for 3months. If it does then the family joins once you are settled in new job and have worked out neighbourhoods etc.
No money or lifestyle can ever make up for sincere relationship and wholehearted living. The purpose for a move should always be more than financial or lifestyle based.
All the best with your decision!
haha FILM INDUSTRY not family industry!!
Can I ask for some advice, or even just an opinion? My husband and I are considering a big move. From northeast Arkansas to northern Indiana. Our son is 5 and our daughter just turned 1. Right now we live near my parents and grandparents and dozens of cousins. My parents love their grandchildren, but visits are rare, even though we’re only 8 minutes away. The issue is that if we were to move, it would be in the same town as my in laws, and our two families don’t get along. AT ALL. I can’t even mention my mother in law’s name around my parents. I am very close to my parents, but we want our kids to have opportunities that we never had growing up. It’s just the idea of being that far away and the kids being that far away from my parents makes my stomach hurt. I don’t want to make a huge mistake, but I want my parents to understand and be proud of us for trying to better our children’s lives. I am so scared to make the decision.
My family of three, husband and a teen girl, really want the change of a move. My family has invited me to join their business, so job is good for me. Husband would have to find something new. My teen is so unhappy in her high school. It’s freshman year, but she wants a new start. As you mentioned in your post, my daughter wants to surf. She loves the ocean and wants to study it in college, so to the coast we plan to go. I have loved the city I live in, but it’s growing so fast, it’s not really the city I have enjoyed over the last 24 years. Everything is so crowded, 35 minutes to drive four miles home from work. I’m feeling like we are being squeezed out and the things that bind us as a community are complaining about how hard it’s getting to live here.
We are only talking about a move 3 1/2 hours away. What I didn’t really anticipate was how heartbroken my friends would be when I told them our plans. I’m sick. It makes me question all of our choices. Frankly, the only thing making me want to stay is the people in my life, but we hardly see each other anymore. I’m also afraid that I’m going to hurt my daughter by putting her into a new school mid freshman year. She wants to go. I’ve asked her if she’d prefers to wait for the new school year and she says she is ready. But she is 14. I have come to realize that she is very self-assured and knows her own mind, but I’m a worrier and think I can control everything happening. I can’t control her emotional life, which is hard.
So a man is bringing a contract for our house today. No realtor fees and we’ll have more than 1/3 equity to put in the bank. I’m scared. Everything has fallen into place to make this move easy. Job, money, place to live, family, and I then crumbled into heap when my friend texted me that she was heart broken and that we are loved. I’ve never been a person who likes big decisions. I research (found your blog), read, analyze, but with this, it has all slowly, and recently fallen into place. Then my heart gets split open with the thought that this is a mistake on an emotional level. I can’t research or find data on how our hearts will take this move. I think it will be amazing for us, but I’m a puddle of tears right now knowing there is no “right” decision. Just a decision that leads to the unknown.
Fear is a tough master.